It’s been a difficult run with all the changes going on. While I’m not sure what the future holds I know that this is the first break-up I’ve ever been through where I don’t actually want to be broken up. Sven and I started fighting months ago and I just assumed it was because of all the travel that my work had me doing. Things got very difficult when I was gone for 4 or 5 days a week and then I had work to do on the weekends. That can take a toll on a relationship. We tried so many different things to make our relationship better. Talking about it seemed to get us into more fights and the latest thing was an on-line counseling course which seemed useful enough. There was a lot of good information in it, but what we realized was it was a little too late.

As much as I would like to explain the details all I can say is I’ve made some choices in my life that I hope play out for the best. Kicking Sven out and canceling the engagement was one of the hardest things I had to do. I would love for things to get better in the future and to still marry this man that I love so much, but can he get better? Will he WANT to get better? He tells me he does and I have so much hope burning inside my body, but I also have anger deep inside. My anger is based on all the guilt and blame that I took upon myself for 4 months and not realizing until the end that it wasn’t something I could control. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t necessarily his either, but it was still a secret that could have been dealt with along the way.

So while he is no longer living with me and right now we aren’t seeing each other, my hope is that this man that I love so deeply will get the help that he needs and come back to me. I’m sure there are people out there that disagree with my choice to try and make things work, but I fell in love with this man for a reason and that reason “I feel” is still there. Hopefully in a few months I will see a change and we can go on with our love for one another (at a slower place). My fear is that all this pain inside will keep me in an angry place and I won’t be able to love him as I once did. I’m also afraid that he won’t get better. He tells me he will and I try to believe him, but it’s hard when I’ve been hurt by him.

I’m sorry if you're reading this and hearing how depressed I sound. I wanted to make sure I wrote this at a time when this was fresh in my mind. This just happened this past weekend and I need to update it on here so I can update any progress that we have. For better or worse I suppose faith and hope is all I can count on right now.

Luckily I have so many friends that are willing to listen to me and support me. They might not all agree with the decision I've made to support him through this time, but they are still my friends and they still lend me an ear. I appreciate them all for the courage it takes to listen to a friend who is hurt and know that there's not much they can say to help. Just listening has been the best help that any of them could offer to me. Thank you all!

I'm always struggling to lose weight and keep it off. The last time I lost a lot of weight I started at 265lbs and worked my way down to 196lbs. I can't tell you the joy I felt when I broke through the 200lb mark. I would tell you that I celebrated by jumping up and down, but I probably celebrated with a cupcake.

That was 2 years ago and I forget to be proud of myself for keeping MOST of it off. For a while now I've been fluctuating between 200 and 206lbs and I'm ready to make the next big move.

Since getting engaged I thought this would be a perfect time to get back on the wagon and start doing something good for my health again. My aunt Linda told me about these shakes that were helping her and my other aunt (Kathy) lose weight. My mom caught wind of the shakes and she started them too. They are AMAZING! Even though I could have easily gone back to the other diet that worked for me when I started at 260lbs I wasn't keen on the flavor. This shake on the other hand tastes and smells like CAKE! Hello!!! Remember that celebration I had once I hit under 200lbs where I ate CAKE?

Now I wake up everyday craving the Body By Visalus shake. So far my favorites are pineapple & banana and blueberry & banana. They are so filling and they keep me full for a good portion of the day. I only bought the smallest package for the month, but I love these shakes so much that I just ordered more. I've already lost 4lbs and I'm trying to lose another 25-30lbs before the wedding. Not because I think poorly of myself, but because I want to be in the best shape possible to start a magnificent life with Sven. He deserves it and so do I. :-)

By the way, if you're interested in going on this diet/lifestyle change with me than check it out here www.jennireilly.bodybyvi.com. If you sign up and try it out all you have to do is get 3 more people to do the challenge with you and your shakes will be free. Although this is a money making shake/diet I have to tell you that my #1 goal is to lose weight for myself. So you can either try this one or you can check out the company that sold me the other shakes that only tasted half as good as these but still helped me lose a bunch of weight. They obviously worked, but I had to do a lot more weight management stuff with those shakes than I have to do with these. That website is http://mydietshopz.com/ and the shakes were under the HIGH PROTEIN section.

Either way, I would love to hear any and all stories that helped people get into better shape. I think that the more people can talk openly about what helps them feel better and stay in shape the more supportive people become during this lifestyle change.

There has been so much that has gone on over the past few months. I feel awful not updating my website, but I’ve just been too busy. It’s funny how life can sometimes get in the way of life.

A recap on the past few months for anyone who actually reads this blog. Lol I wrote an Ebook back in March called “Writing A Killer Resume”. It was easier to write and edit then it was to put it on Amazon.com. Seriously! It takes a special talent to get those things posted on that site.

In January I started dating a man that I’ve known for a few months. When we first met we were both dating other people. Once our relationships with those other people failed we decided to go out and see where things went. Well I couldn’t have asked for anything or anyone better than him. He was always bringing me flowers and sending me sweet messages on my cell phone. He always made every moment feel special. It still makes me shiver to think that we took the leap of faith and moved in together within the first two weeks of dating. Yup, you heard that correctly. We moved in together and put our relationship to the test.

While we’ve been living together we’ve had work problems, family problems, health issues and more. Not to mention my baby kitty Dexter died just a week before my birthday. That was an awful thing to go through and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Still my man stood by me and made sure to make me feel protected and cared for every step of the way.
On my birthday weekend he proposed to me. Friday April 20th, 2012 Sven Krueger asked for my hand in marriage on stage at my favorite place. Snapper’s Comedy Bar & Grille has been a birthday tradition since I moved to Florida. For the past 6 years I’ve seen a comedian for my birthday and Sven took it upon himself to make that moment even more special. He and the owner had planned to get me up on stage as part of comedian’s skit and proposed to me on stage in front of a huge audience. Good thing I like the guy or that could have been embarrassing. Did I mention the comedian was the Disgruntled Clown. Who  can say that they had a comedic clown help them with their engagement.

It has been a long and most enjoyable beginning to this new year. I can see that things are moving up and they are changing in a way I never had expected. It’s sad to let go of a pet/loved one, but when you have the support from close relatives and loved ones it helps with the healing process. Having Sven in my life has made me a happier more forgiving person and I love him more each day for that.

So who’s helping me with the wedding? I'm thinking a Cruise Wedding would be fun. Any suggestions?